Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

This post has been in my heart for a week or so now.

Well, actually, I suppose I could truthfully say for a year or so. :)

And I still go back and forth on the timing of writing this, but deep down I feel like we are beginning a new journey in our family life, so it seems right to "let it out" now. :)

The difficult thing about all this is knowing that LBB is super awesome and wonderful, but then not knowing why he was acting the way he was. A year ago, little flags started popping up that began to make us wonder. And worry. But mostly wonder...

"What is processing through our sweet boy's little noggin?"

LBB is incredibly smart. I'm not saying that to boast, I'm saying that to make sure that everyone knows exactly how proud we are of him and how cherished he is. I know I shouldn't have to say that, but part of me feels the need to "disclose" on things. I've got to get over that. He's so smart that when he dropped his flashlight and the pieces went flying all over the place, he decided that since Mommy and Daddy had written the flashlight off as broken, that he would have to fix it. And fix it he did. Our 2 year old grabbed all the pieces and reassembled his flashlight, then proudly said "I fix." His mind is super technical like that...now I totally understand why he can whip through a puzzle in seconds.

But there are things that are concerning, and while I am not going to dive into them right now (when we find out more concrete things, I will be more than happy to share so maybe we can help someone else), we finally hit a breaking point last week. I just couldn't figure out what to do anymore to help him when he was feeling a little "crazy." After a year of debating and trying to figure out if he was a normal toddler or if this was something more, we finally made an appointment. And this time, with a new pediatrician.

And this new pediatrician? A blessing in disguise. She listened. She made notes. She observed. And most importantly, she didn't make her decision based on the 20 minutes that he was sitting in her office. She took everything into consideration. We had a hunch that what we thought was a very good possibility, but we aren't professionals. So when she said:

"I am going to give you a referral. I have a pretty good feeling he will fall on the Autism Spectrum."

We weren't surprised. While LBB is verbal, he is technically behind other kids his age. And there is a whole list of other things that are flags, not to mention that she also thinks he will be diagnosed with Sensory Processing issues as well. (That one is pretty much a given...spend 1 hour with our sweet boy and you'll be convinced of it too.)

So I was so unsure of writing this...do I wait until we have a full, accurate diagnosis? There is the chance that he doesn't fall on the spectrum. There is a chance that he is the average, normal toddler. But the fact that there is a big chance that he will be on the spectrum is what pushed me to write this. Deep down, I feel like he will be...my heart has already embraced that. It feels like the piece of the puzzle we've been missing. If he isn't, well, then my gut instincts were wrong, but at least I know I cared enough to find out. And if he is, well, then, we are lucky that we noticed early, because early intervention is best. :)

The thing is, whether he is or isn't, God made him with a purpose. God created him to be just the way he is meant to be. And while that's no excuse for when he misbehaves, it does make me realize that he is very unique, and that I am very blessed to be Mommy to such a sweet, caring, creative, intelligent little boy. There is a path for him that God wants him to take...he  may not be your average kid, but that's ok. :) Life with him has taught me to appreciate things and see life differently.

He is fearfully and wonderfully made, and I praise God for that. We are very blessed. Everyday with LBB is an exciting journey. I'll keep our story updated...he will be having preassessment appointments at the clinic that we were referred to while we wait for his actual evaluation (it's a 2 to 4 month waiting list...yikes.) This is the beginning of a new journey for us. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and it is definitely full of new challenges, but I wouldn't trade any of our daily life for the world. :)