Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

This post has been in my heart for a week or so now.

Well, actually, I suppose I could truthfully say for a year or so. :)

And I still go back and forth on the timing of writing this, but deep down I feel like we are beginning a new journey in our family life, so it seems right to "let it out" now. :)

The difficult thing about all this is knowing that LBB is super awesome and wonderful, but then not knowing why he was acting the way he was. A year ago, little flags started popping up that began to make us wonder. And worry. But mostly wonder...

"What is processing through our sweet boy's little noggin?"

LBB is incredibly smart. I'm not saying that to boast, I'm saying that to make sure that everyone knows exactly how proud we are of him and how cherished he is. I know I shouldn't have to say that, but part of me feels the need to "disclose" on things. I've got to get over that. He's so smart that when he dropped his flashlight and the pieces went flying all over the place, he decided that since Mommy and Daddy had written the flashlight off as broken, that he would have to fix it. And fix it he did. Our 2 year old grabbed all the pieces and reassembled his flashlight, then proudly said "I fix." His mind is super technical like that...now I totally understand why he can whip through a puzzle in seconds.

But there are things that are concerning, and while I am not going to dive into them right now (when we find out more concrete things, I will be more than happy to share so maybe we can help someone else), we finally hit a breaking point last week. I just couldn't figure out what to do anymore to help him when he was feeling a little "crazy." After a year of debating and trying to figure out if he was a normal toddler or if this was something more, we finally made an appointment. And this time, with a new pediatrician.

And this new pediatrician? A blessing in disguise. She listened. She made notes. She observed. And most importantly, she didn't make her decision based on the 20 minutes that he was sitting in her office. She took everything into consideration. We had a hunch that what we thought was a very good possibility, but we aren't professionals. So when she said:

"I am going to give you a referral. I have a pretty good feeling he will fall on the Autism Spectrum."

We weren't surprised. While LBB is verbal, he is technically behind other kids his age. And there is a whole list of other things that are flags, not to mention that she also thinks he will be diagnosed with Sensory Processing issues as well. (That one is pretty much a given...spend 1 hour with our sweet boy and you'll be convinced of it too.)

So I was so unsure of writing this...do I wait until we have a full, accurate diagnosis? There is the chance that he doesn't fall on the spectrum. There is a chance that he is the average, normal toddler. But the fact that there is a big chance that he will be on the spectrum is what pushed me to write this. Deep down, I feel like he will be...my heart has already embraced that. It feels like the piece of the puzzle we've been missing. If he isn't, well, then my gut instincts were wrong, but at least I know I cared enough to find out. And if he is, well, then, we are lucky that we noticed early, because early intervention is best. :)

The thing is, whether he is or isn't, God made him with a purpose. God created him to be just the way he is meant to be. And while that's no excuse for when he misbehaves, it does make me realize that he is very unique, and that I am very blessed to be Mommy to such a sweet, caring, creative, intelligent little boy. There is a path for him that God wants him to take...he  may not be your average kid, but that's ok. :) Life with him has taught me to appreciate things and see life differently.

He is fearfully and wonderfully made, and I praise God for that. We are very blessed. Everyday with LBB is an exciting journey. I'll keep our story updated...he will be having preassessment appointments at the clinic that we were referred to while we wait for his actual evaluation (it's a 2 to 4 month waiting list...yikes.) This is the beginning of a new journey for us. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and it is definitely full of new challenges, but I wouldn't trade any of our daily life for the world. :)

I COULD apologize...

...for my obvious lack of posting.

But I won't. :)

Simply because, well, I've been LIVING. Less time writing about life, and more time enjoying it. Less time trying to figure out if I should keep this private or public, and more time focusing on what this blog is actually about.

Life.

I love my little blog. I love that it is here when I want to write. Here when I want to share. And here when I just need a place to put my thoughts. But, I have finally learned that if a day, week, or even month goes by without me writing...well, that's ok. :)

Dear Sweet Hubby and I are refocusing. We're refocusing all of that energy that we've been putting into previous priorities and switching things up a bit. We've had a revelation, and it's been life changing.

There's a spark in each and every one of us. Somedays, it's easy to suffocate that spark. It's easy to just go about your daily life, ignoring the very thing that drives you as a person. And then somedays, you feel that spark  ignite again. You feel alive.

You feel like you are doing what you are meant to be doing.

Dear Sweet Hubby and I have wandering souls. Lucky for us we found each other, and now our souls get to wander together. And, lucky for us (I think), LBB has that same wandering spirit that we have. We aren't content to just "be." There is more that we want to do. More we want to see.

We're realizing that even with our wandering souls, it's ok to have a "ground base." A place to call "home." And we embrace everything about our home. For the longest time, we've beat ourselves up over our decision to stay in an apartment. We felt like the responsible thing was to buy a home. Have a white picket fence. A big furry dog that jumped for joy whenever we walked in the door.

We thought that was our dream.

But it wasn't OUR dream. It was society's dream.

We have finally realized, after 2 years of trying to have a second blessing, that we are meant to only have our one. Our one and only blessing...and a blessing beyond measure. LBB fills our days with so much more joy than I could ever have imagined...and to be quite frank, I don't want to have to spread that focus around. :) It's a decision that we hold very dear, because it is very personal. We've heard some fairly rude comments since we made the decision, but that's ok. We thought it was our dream to have a large family.

But it wasn't OUR dream. It was society's dream.

Finally realizing what we actually wanted in life has ignited that spark in our soul again.

We finally made a decision that balances practical, real life with our wandering soul.

We've spent far too much time trying to figure out whether or not our decisions were based on what we wanted, or what society deemed as what we wanted.

I thought because I stay at home and homeschool that I needed to have more than one child. I thought that because we are nearing our 30's and "grown up" that I needed to own a home.

But, I'm realizing that this is not society's life I'm living. This is mine. And if after lots of prayer, and lots of thought, we finally came to the conclusion that the decisions we have made are the right ones, than I know that we made the right decision.

We are simplifying life. We are getting rid of so many of the material possessions that take over our lives. We are, quite simply, going back to the basics. We are letting go of society's version of what we should be.

In the end, it's the stories that matter. It's the nights of watching LBB kayak with his Daddy. It's the evening walks with dear friends. It's the hikes we take, and the fun adventures we share.

It's getting rid of the unnecessary material possessions and the worldly debt. It's making goals to see new places. Help people in need. That's what matters. That is what I want my life to be. I want to feel that spark I felt when I thought I could see anything in the world...because we can. I want to show LBB that there is something more to life that just the daily grind. More to life than what we have. I want him to embrace his "spark"...the spark that drives him to be the funny, energetic, adventurous, and unique little guy that he is.

It's time for me to start embracing everything that I hold dear. It is time for me to focus on those things. And, if sometimes this blog gets ignored, you know why now. :) We're busy living. We're busy adventuring.

We're busy creating our story. Thanks for reading my very lengthy, very rambly post today. :)

(Check out this TEVA ad. I saw it the other day and it gave me goosebumps because it is everything I've been feeling lately.)

It's Like You Snap Your Fingers...

...and BAM!

LBB grows some more.

And I'm not talking just size wise (although he is now growing like a weed. Just a few months ago he began wearing a 2T...now he's already in a 3T. So much for my "prepared" clothes shopping I did last month.) He's growing "smarts" wise too.

He suddenly picked up beat boxing. You know, like DJ's do? He'll sit there, make all these cool beat-box noises, move his hands around while he does it, and once in a while makes little "wiki wiki" noises. It's the most adorable thing in the world. (But I'll warn you...there's a LOT of spit involved.)

When he's watching Blue's Clues, he is now able to copy EVERY. Single. Thing that Steve does while he sings the Blue's Clues song. He "writes" in his notebook (his hand), does the hand waves, thinks in his thinking chair...it's just insane. A month ago week ago, he wasn't even able to do any of that stuff.

He is chattering like it's nobody's business now (when he wants to, of course.) He likes to tell stories about the ducks he sees, the bike rides he takes, and because he is seriously the sweetest kid in the world, regularly asks "Alright?" if you so much as sneeze, cough, or hiccup. :)

He says sorry. He is working on hugging instead of hitting. He is laughing. Learning. Doing arts and crafts. And "counting" along with us.

I don't know when it happened. Just 2 weeks ago, I was certain that he might be having some issues. And now, not so much. Now we are having a blast watching as his intelligence just blossoms.

Something I Usually Wouldn't Share

Not many people know about this, but about a year ago, I had the nice treat to get tested for breast cancer. I found a lump, had a mini-freak out, and after a very God-blessed moment, got tested and had the results back within 4 days. There's nothing more frightening than not knowing. Nothing more nerve-wracking than kissing your child at bedtime and not knowing what would happen.

Thankfully, the results came back benign. But what I do have is called a Fibroadenoma. And it likes to linger around...apparently this annoying "benign tumor" feels it's ok to just stay with me. I check everyday for changes, but I still worry. The chances of it turning into anything bad is pretty slim, but, if you know me, you know I usually go worst case scenario. :)

However, I've been doing some research, trying to figure out some natural ways to get this thing to either go away or get smaller. Removal is an option, but it's not a guarantee that another one won't form. My nurse said her daughter was about to have her 3rd surgery to remove a fibroadenoma, and quite frankly, I'm not a big enough fan of hospitals and knives to go through that unless I have to. That core biopsy was enough, thank you very much.

One thing I have found is a change in diet. That means a BIG cutdown on caffeine and chocolate (I type this as I just finished a Reese's Peanut Butter cup and have been sipping a Dr. Pepper.) But, currently I can guzzle down about 4 Dr. Peppers a day (yikes), so even just one is cutting back alot. :) Another key diet factor is MORE fiber, MORE fruits and veggies, and LESS meat. So, after having a serious talk with Dear Sweet Hubby yesterday, we are going to dramatically cut back on the meat we consume in our home...1 night of red meat, 1 night of chicken. And the rest? Vegetarian. (With a few fish nights thrown in.)

This means I have to change my whole way of food thinking. I hate veggies. I only like apples. And, to make the diet even more interesting, we have to keep everything g-free for LBB. :) So, this is a whole new journey into cooking and nutrition. I have to rethink everything I know cooking wise.

But.

I know I have to. I know why it's important. And I know that, while it is a big change, it will be a good change.

So, all that being said, if you have a GREAT vegetarian recipe, please share it in the comments section!!!! I can use all the help I can get!

Nature Fun With Toddlers: Dandelion Curls

When I was little, I remember spending hours in the backyard with my friends...and one of my favorite activities was making Dandelion Curls. I just adored watching those stems curl up and seeing what cool spirals they made.

So, today, on our way back from the little convenience store across the street, LBB and I found a dandelion that still had all of it it's little floater seeds on it. I showed him how to make them fly (towards the parking lot...we don't need to spread the dandelions any more than they do on their own) and then just as I was about to tell him to put the stem back in the grass, I instantly remembered dandelion curls.

We raced back to the apartment, and LBB got to experience Dandelion Curls for the first time. Now, just in case this would be your first time, here's how to make them:

Start with some lovely dandelion stems:

Pluck the heads off. (Sounds gruesome. Ew.) Then peel the stems. If you want thicker curls, peel the stems in half. If you want thinner, than peel as many times as possible. Thicker curls take a bit longer to curl than their thinner counterparts, but they are still cool nonetheless.

Next step? Simply let your toddler or small child drop the stem peels in a bowl of COLD water, and watch them curl! It is really simple, and yet so fun.

And once they curl? Well, you've got nature's springs...and apparently little toddler guys ADORE this.

Just a note...I knew that our lawn hadn't been sprayed yet for weeds. If by some chance you're unsure, you could always wash the stems before you peel them so your little one doesn't get any nasty chemicals on them. And a quick handwash after nature play is never a bad idea. :)

Sunday Book Review: Not Really a Book Review

The majority of the time, getting LBB to sit long enough to read a book (even a short one) from cover to cover is equivalent to pulling teeth.

He just. Doesn't. Like. It.

Then, today, I stumbled upon the miracle fix.

See that pile of books that the adorable little duck is sitting on? We read those in one sitting. Even Dear Sweet Hubby kept giving me those looks that said "Is that our kid?"

Yes, it was our kid. But the secret trick I discovered today?

LBB loves when Lenny the Duck reads to him. In full-on duck voice with quacks mixed in. :)

(Mommy's can be ever so talented, can't we?)

I just started off casually...making funny duck noises and "Lenny" asked LBB if they could read a book. LBB happily obliged. OK, I thought, this is interesting. They read the book together, then Lenny asked to read another book. And another. And a total of 7 books were read. It's a miracle. That's the best way I can put it. LBB cannot sit still. But somehow, Lenny brought the best bookworm out in him. Lenny talked about rhyming. "He" asked LBB questions. They even counted together.

So, Moms and Dads, if you've got a reluctant toddler who doesn't seem to want to sit still for more than a second during book time, I would seriously give this a try! Just grab the nearest stuffed animal or doll, try out your funniest voice, and see where it takes you!

You may just be pleasantly surprised!

And, if the thought of having your little one sit long enough to read a whole book isn't enough to convince you to give it a shot (which I'm sure is not the case), you may even be rewarded with sudden bursts of affection afterwards...much like this little guy had:

He couldn't stop hugging Lenny. He had so much fun he even wanted to pose with Lenny for a picture...that never happens. :)

His New Obsession

LBB is a boy of obsessions.

He's obessed with trains, tractors, and construction equipment.

He knows what he loves, and he has no problem taking his love to the next level. :)

But we have a new obsession.

Slippers.

He's always been partial to slippers. But, after his trip to the ER (which was accompanied by his puppy slippers), he's been inseparable from his slippers. Thankfully he has 3 pairs, because he does not want to wear shoes. At all.

In the past 3 days, he's worn shoes once...and that was a quick trip to the store, and it was a fight to get him to wear the shoes.

On his guy's night out with Dear Sweet Hubby yesterday, LBB wouldn't even let shoes be an option. So, he wore his Cars slippers out. Dear Sweet Hubby and I have decided that this is not a quirk that we feel is troublesome, so we don't fight him on it.

Sure, we may be giving in. But in the realm of things, him wanting to wear slippers at age 2? Not a big deal. :) So we let him wear them. He wears them in the morning. He wears them out. He wears them in the evening. He wears them to bed. And, if I am stealthy enough when we check on him, I am able to slide them off his little feet.

Do your kids have any quirky little obsessions?