My New Addiction

I loved picnik.

So when they announced they'd be closing, I was a tad depressed. And then I found PicMonkey.

And I love this even more. I'm not sure why, but I like the actions better. I like the simplicity. And boy oh boy, do I love the way it makes my photos look. :) Here's a few I've done in the past 12 hours. (it's become an addiction. I've spent all my free time digging through my facebook albums trying to decide which photos I want to edit next!)

It makes the pictures that my cruddy camera takes into something special. :) Trust me, once you play on there once or twice, you'll be hooked.

Lake Rocks

We just got back from a spontaneous overnight trip to the Lake.

The old saying is right...there's nothing a little sweat, tears, or sea can't cure.

We were  all suffering from "new-store" related woes. LBB missed Daddy. I missed Dear Sweet Hubby. And Dear Sweet Hubby/Daddy missed us.

70+ hours a week of having him gone takes a toll.

Fortunately, the Grand Opening of his new store is in the books (and very successful, I proudly have to add.)

And now, hopefully, a little more family time.

Dear Sweet Hubby had to visit another store and then was going to be done for the day...leaving a full afternoon worth of family time. Jackpot.

I suggested a day trip for the 3 of us. :) He happily obliged.

So, we headed to the Lake. Went on a hike. Got our clothes soaking wet with freezing water. And spontaneously decided to stay overnight since he didn't have to work until noon the next day.

It was just what I needed. And I as sat watching the pristine waters of our favorite lake crash into the shore, I finally was able to relax. To refresh my soul. And most importantly, to spend some time just being. I didn't worry about LBB...he was busy skipping rocks with Daddy. I didn't worry about housework. I didn't worry about bills.

I just "was."

And I came up with some profound (or as my hubby said: "Deep.") stuff while I sat there. Ready to hear it?

We are very similar to the rocks in the sea. We start out as something rough around the edges. We are jagged. As humans, we start out demanding, demanding, demanding. We spend our days as children happily surrounded by love of a family and no definition of the world around us. We can't see beyond ourselves and what is directly in front of us. We are, like a sharp rock tossed in the water, rough around the edges.

But then life begins to slowly smooth our edges down, just as the waves in the sea smooth a rock's edges down. What was beautiful in the beginning turns into a new kind of beautiful. We open our eyes and see the world around us. And, if we're lucky, we grow from experiences.

Our edges become smooth. We are tossed about in the sea of life...sometimes the waters are calm. Sometimes the water are rough. Sometimes we find ourselves where we want to be. Sometimes we are put in a place that we never imagined ourselves to be.

But no matter if the sea of life is rough or calm, it's all a part of what shapes us to be the people we are meant to be.

But unlike the rock, which will inherently end up being smooth after years of being in the water, it is our choice as humans to grow and learn from our experiences. It is our choice to either stay jagged or let the seas of life change us into a new form of beauty.

OK. I'm done with my "profound" thought now. :) I promise the next post won't be anything of the sort. 

The Path

I've spent a LOT of time trying to decide what I'm supposed to be doing in life.

And aside from being LBB's Mommy and wife to Dear Sweet Hubby, I've come short of having any answers.

Where do I want to live? Do we want to buy a house? City or country? Vintage or modern? Now or later?

I suffer from a serious case of mutt-personality. (A little bit of everything all rolled into one.)

But, I'm learning. I'm thinking. I'm praying.

And I'm discovering.

Discovering what I really want. And that while it may be a couple of years away, it's worth waiting for. I'm the kind of girl that loses patience. If it's not going to happen in the next year, I take the easy way out.

But one thing I know for sure?

I don't want to live in our apartment forever. I want a piece of land to call our own. I want a backyard for my little guy (and hopefully more little ones) to be able to run around in. I want our own little paradise that is all ours. I want a old, character filled home that I can renovate to fit my family just right. I want a chicken coop.

Yes, a chicken coop. :)

See, all these years, I've wanted this. But, it will take work to get there. It will take sacrifice. And it's much easier to just make do and settle than it is to sacrifice.

But. No more.

We are done settling. We want so much more for ourselves. For our family. For our happiness.

We are embarking on a journey that will hopefully lead to the lifestyle we want. And conveniently, within an hour of the metro and all the big city conveniences. It works out that way.

Someday, my little guy can have the puppy he keeps wishing the cat was. He can have a yard to run around in to his hearts content. And he can have all the fresh strawberries he could possibly dream of. :)

That is what will make the sacrifice and hard work worth it. :)

It feels good to find my path. It feels good to know, that despite the rough terrain and hard work that will come over the next 3 years, at the end of that path will be a most wonderful reward. Now is the time to finally get our butts in gear and get to work. No longer are we putting off what needs to be done today until tomorrow.

Wish us luck. :)

Some Rainy Day Fun

Ah, I love Spring. But most of all, I love the rainy days in Spring.

A few days ago, we had a very rainy day...

...and we spent it with a quick morning walk while my little guy wore his Froggie rain boots and Sharkie rain jacket. (Thank goodness for the conveniece store right across the street...I was dying for a Dr. Pepper.)

Then, we built towers with blocks...

...ate lunch with very yummy Alpha-Tots. (Gotta love a great GLUTEN FREE find for LBB.)

And watched a little Veggie Tales.

You can never go wrong with lovely rainy days. We did lots of other fun things that day...like a trip to Chipotle (yum yum yummy yum) and our grocery shopping at Whole Foods (which always makes me a happy girl.)

I love rainy days...there's something so amazingly relaxing and invigorating about them at the same time. So tell me, do you love rainy days? What's your favorite part about them?

Mediocrity

Do you ever get the feeling that you're "mediocre?"

Like you're just cruising along in life, not attempting to do any better, and quite happy that you aren't "as bad as that other person?"

I did last night...and then I talked to my Dear Sweet Hubby, who somehow knows what to say when I am in one of my crazy thoughtful moods.

And now, I realize, I'm not mediocre. Everyday I strive to be a better Mommy. A better Wife. I'm strive to homeschool my little guy to the best of my abilities. I'm on a major kick to feed healthy food to my family. And I even have that little apartment blog that I mostly keep up with. :)

I'm not mediocre. :)

I dream of owning a home, but finally realize that slacking off or killing ourselves to save money isn't going to get us there...it's a slow and steady kind of thing.

I look forward to someday having more children, if God blesses us with another, but I'm realizing that I just need to enjoy the moment, because more children isn't a guarantee.

I can see that every minute of every day is a learning experience...whether it be from the patience I learn when my LBB decides to throw all the magnetic letters off the fridge, or the ability to love (which I'm taught daily...I am a girl surrounded by love.)

I know that I could be doing a lot better with my faith, and I am constantly striving to improve.

All in all, none of that makes me a mediocre person. It makes me a woman who knows what she wants, knows what she has, and is finally content enough to enjoy the moment I am in.

It's a pretty good feeling to know that you're not mediocre. God made each one of so special in our way, and if we are utilizing the talents He has blessed us with, then we are far from mediocre.

So, "shine on." :) Embrace each day for what it is worth, and make each moment something special. Because that, my dear friends, is what makes life so exciting.

Trying to Find a Little Sanity Amidst the Chaos

Dear Sweet Hubby has been working 65 hours a week. LBB has been full of energy and exploring non-stop. And I've been trying to keep up with them, keeping the house clean and orderly, making healthy meals (most of the time), and trying to be the best Mommy and Wife that I can be.

Anyone who is a Mommy and Wife can agree with me here:

Sometimes, that feels impossible.

Lately I've felt that I'm just not doing enough. That I'm not playing enough. Being patient enough. Listening enough. Relaxing enough. Enjoying enough. Praying enough.

You name it. I don't feel like I'm up to par.

And then it dawned on me. I'm trying to do it all on my own. Sure, Dear Sweet Hubby is here for me. Family is here for me. But amidst all the chaos, all the busyness...I've been forgetting to give it to God.

So here I sit tonight. Pondering. Thinking. Praying. Reading.

And I came across this verse:

"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4


I sure could use some "sustaining" right now. When all that sounds good is a lazy day curled up in bed with nowhere to go, but when reality is busy days filled with lots of love and adventure (because I'm not complaining about the days, just the feeling of chaos), I could use some sustaining. When I feel like I've been cleaning up messes from sunup to sundown, only to turn around and find a new one, I could use some sustaining. When Dear Sweet Hubby lets me know he has to work late again and LBB is already set on wanting Daddy home right now, I could use some sustaining.

It's in those moments that I HAVE to remember to give it to God. I have to remember to pray to Him in the midst of the chaos. I have to remember that He is the One who sustains me. He is the One that can take those extra worries away. He is the One that can give me the patience I so desperately need. He is the One that can make me see these chaotic days as the gift that they truly are.

And then?

That's when I can play more. Enjoy more. Relax more. Laugh more. Marvel more. And just plain be in the moment and not constantly trying to take care of 10,000 things at once.

Random Thursday Thoughts

Here's my Thursday:

*Went and bought a bag of Mini Cadbury eggs and a box of the yummy cream filled ones. I'm a happy girl. And walking down the Easter candy aisle smells like Spring. :) My two-year old agrees.

*Yesterday, the bathroom shelf crashed off the wall while Dear Sweet Hubby was getting ready for work...at 5 in the morning. And when it crashed, something fell into the toilet without us knowing. Whoops. So needless to say, it wasn't working. And enter Reason 10,325 why I love renting: one of our maintenance guys came in, fixed it, and all I had to do was tell him what may have fallen down the toilet.

*The Shins newest album is available for streaming on iTunes. Sweet. Not surprisingly, I've already preordered the album to automatically download on March 20. :) I'll be synching my ipod next Tuesday, for sure.

*LBB is seriously enjoying this unseasonably warm weather. Two days ago we played at the park and went for a nature hike (two whole hours of outside time!). Yesterday we went for a nice long walk with my mom and sis. He rode his trike (seriously, when does he keep growing up?). Played ball in PaPa and GiGi's backyard. And even got to go for a bike ride in his bike seat with PaPa and I.

*I thought I lost my Cricut power cord. Only to find it in the Cricut Jukebox storage part. Wow. For once, I put something back where it belonged...that's probably why I couldn't find it. haha.

*Dear Sweet Hubby is opening a new store for the company he works for. We knew he'd be putting in long hours in the weeks before Grand Opening...but I'm still counting down the days till the big day. 9 days. 9 days until things start to go back to a little normal. :)

*Starting and writing my new apartment decorating blog has been very rewarding...it gives me fresh new motivation to look at things in new ways around the house and to work on making our apartment even more homey. :) Stop by! I aim to post daily, although I missed yesterday's. That just means 2 posts today.

www.myapartment365.blogspot.com

Misleading

It is a gloriously sunny day outside, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why the house felt so chilly! Even sitting here curled up in a quilt, I can't quite fight the chill...

...and then I glanced at the thermometer outside and saw a whopping 32 degrees. :) Ah, it's winter in the northland.

Right now, I'm excited for it, as all northeners tend to be. (That is, of course, one of the reasons we live up this way.) And of course, I'll be dancing a happy dance with LBB once the flakes start sticking to the ground.

But.

Don't talk to me in February about the snow. Because I can tell you right now, by that point, I'm sick of the snow and cold and ice and grayness. :) Where I grew up we'd get snow, but then we'd get chinooks...so one day it'd be freezing and snowy and the next day it'd be close to 50. But here, winter is from November to April...and sometimes even May, and it is NON-STOP.

But, I love it. If I didn't I'd be urging Dear Sweet Hubby to get a job in a warm climate. And as LBB gets older, I'm really looking forward to all the fun things a northern winter can bring...sledding, snowshoeing, cross country skiing, snowman building, and hanging out in snow forts. :)

Yep. It may be sunny outside today, but that chill that is in the air is full of promise of snow very very soon.

I love where we live. :)

Elmo & Jason Mraz

We are big Jason Mraz fans in our household. And LBB is a BIG Elmo fan. So, it makes complete sense that LBB is nuts about this video...it's on his Best of Elmo 2 dvd, and it's definitely one of our favorites. :) And whenever he hears "I'm Yours" on the radio (which is often...it's Mommy's relaxing song, haha), he calls it "ELMO!" It's adorable!!!!

And while this blog is titled "Little Boy Blue" there is also that little bit called "and Mommy too." So, here's Mommy's version of the ELMO! song. :)

Also, my thankful thoughts for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and today:


Thankful thought #9: Thankful that my hubby had a good, safe, and productive business trip this week. (That was one of the reasons for my internet break...I had him take the laptop with him.) He had training for his new store opening, and he came back even more excited for this opportunity.


Thankful thought #10: Thankful for a day off with Dear Sweet Hubby after he was out of town for 4 days. It's always nice to just relax and have fun at home after a few days apart.


Thankful thought #11: Thankful for my family...my Dad drove Dear Sweet Hubby down to the airport (and LBB and I so we could say goodbye) and picked him up, just so I wouldn't have to drive through the city. My Mom watched LBB on short notice Thursday morning while Dear Sweet Hubby and I got our flu shots and then did some pre-Christmas shopping for LBB. It means a lot knowing they are close by and there for us when we need them.

Contentment (Otherwise Known as "Our Story and What We Are Learning From It"

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”--Frederick Keonig

We've had a lot of change in our lives in the past 4 years.

4 years ago, I was working Full Time at a big orange store as a department head in bookkeeping. Dear Sweet Hubby was working his tail off with no real rewards at a small tool store as an assistant manager. I dreamed of being a Mom, staying at home, and raising a family.

We decided the time was right and that we were going to try to have a child. So, we packed our belongings, moved to a 2 bedroom apartment in a different suburb, and were shown that not everyone gets preggers right away. :) Apparently, my plans were different than God's.

5 months later, and with no success, we stepped back and assessed the situation. Dear Sweet Hubby was completely unhappy with his job situation, I was feeling more than stuck where I was at, so when the opportunity for Dear Sweet Hubby to get a new job working at a strong retail company, we jumped on it. Not to mention the fact that the new job made it possible for me to become a housewife, and a hope of moving back into the "country". (We believed we weren't cut out for the big city lights.) So, we packed our stuff, again, and moved to our temporary city where Dear Sweet Hubby had to do his training. We literally lived in an Econolodge for a month, and then found this adorable little apartment. (And by little, I mean tiiiiinnnnyyyy.) But, it was nicer than any other apartment we were in, had a washer and dryer, a wonderful kitchen, and the balcony overlooked a wooded area that regularly housed a family of deer. Needless to say, those 4 months we lived there were absolutely wonderful. We were giving everything to God. We weren't attempting to get pregnant because we knew it just wasn't the time. And we just enjoyed the moment. We learned a lot from that moment in our lives.

Right before Thanksgiving, Dear Sweet Hubby finished his training and was told he'd be getting into his own store, and that he had to be there the Monday after Thanksgiving...talk about short timing! So....we packed up AGAIN, and moved into an apartment (sight unseen) in a small, tiny, Midwestern town. And of course, those dreams of having a family popped up again.

4 months later, a tiny plastic stick told us we were expecting, and 9 months later (with one more move due to a mold issue where we lived) we welcomed our sweet LBB into our family. And then, news that Dear Sweet Hubby's store would be closing due to repairs that were too costly, so off we went...right back to where we started from! Dear Sweet Hubby took a store that was 30 minutes from our first apartment. Crazy, isn't it?

So, we lived with my parents for a few months while we got our bearings straight, and then moved into the apartment that we are in now.

Did you count the moves? In the past 4 years, we have lived in 6 apartments, a hotel, and my parents' basement. :)

And...we just got wonderful news that Dear Sweet Hubby will be opening a new store 45 minutes from where we live. His current commute is 1 hour through traffic, and this is going out of the metro, so no traffic now! Immediately, our wheels started turning...well, if we could buy a house. If this. If that. When we have another child. If we can have another child...

...I am going to be completely upfront and share what breaks our heart each and every month. We dream of having another little one. We can't wait for the day that LBB is a big brother. We long to hold another sweet newborn in our arms. In fact, we've been waiting for that day for 20 months now. We know that when it is in God's plan, it will happen according to Him. Sometimes, though, that's not easy to accept.

But.

What's all this got to do with contentment? Do you see a common thread in this whole story?

I do, especially now. God has led us on an amazing journey. He has blessed us with an amazing marriage, an amazing son, and the ability to have me stay at home, be a housewife, and homeschool our little guy while Dear Sweet Hubby works at a job he loves. We've made some stupid mistakes, and some we are still paying for, but through it all, God is teaching us how to be content.

And I've gotta say...sometimes we can be really ignorant. Sometimes we try to ignore the lesson he is teaching us. Sometimes we try to make it happen in our time. Sometimes we get lost and ignore the way he is guiding us.

So, when the news of Dear Sweet Hubby going to this new store and knowing how cheap houses were, yadda yadda yadda, we started to get that discontentment bug again. We started to think about how we needed to rush to do this, rush to do that, move again in 2 years, and then rush around doing things in a house. But, we stopped.

We prayed. We talked. And we took a deep breath.

And decided, that deep down, when you find contentment in the place you live...in the apartment, house, underground silo (whatever it is you call home!), you find true happiness. When you realize that the list of things you want to do around your little apartment to make it work perfectly for your family makes you happy, while the lists of things to do to buy a house scare the living daylights out of you, it's probably wisest to go with what makes you happy.

God put us here for a reason. We live in the suburb we live for a specific reason...Dear Sweet Hubby has some time to relax after work before he walks in the door. LBB is close to all the cool extracurricular activities that the metro has to offer. And we live close enough to my parents to be happy and have that family time that is so special for us. Our apartment is home. And someday in the next few years, we would love to move into a 3 bedroom apartment in the complex for a little more space, but even that comes with contentment. :)

So, all that rambling comes down to one thing...and it's a big one.

Contentment isn't an easy thing to achieve. Sometimes you have to go through a lot of discontentment to even know how to get there. Sometimes you'll think you are "achieving" it only to find out that you had your blinders on and have to start over.

But once you find it, ah. It's a wonderful, relaxed feeling. You can begin to look at things with joy in your heart. Small things, big things. Happy things, stressful things. All of them take on a new look. And while as humans we are meant to struggle now and again with this issue, God will lead us on a path that helps us learn to be happy with what we've been blessed with. It is an amazing thing.

So, on this evening when I've rambled your ear off, please, take a moment and think...are you content? What is that makes you content? (And leave a comment if you want!)

That's all for now...I'm seriously going to go look at pinterest now. :) Have a blessed evening!

I finally did it...

...I bought my first pair of "Mom jeans." Sigh.

I fought it for a while. I kept squeezing my post-pregnancy body into pre-pregnancy jeans, pretending that they fit just the same. But...as jeans got worn out and my closet dwindles down to nothing, I realized that it was high time to invest in a new pair of jeans.

And by invest, I mean spend as little as possible on a pair of jeans that suitably fits me. And that's tough...before LBB, when I was working full time and Dear Sweet Hubby was working full time, and when we didn't flinch at using those stupid credit cards, I didn't bat an eye spending $80 on a pair of jeans. Now though? Totally different story.

So, off I went to Target (to get eggs...which I forgot and had to make a second trip to the grocery store for.) While LBB and Dear Sweet Hubby looked at toys, I hunted through the clothes department.

And literally tried almost every jean on. Ugh. Not one of them fit right. I tried two dresses on. (They were cute, but still kind of "eh") I tried on a cute leggings and shirt outfit that I may go back and get. But I walked in and out of that dressing room at least 6 times. And then finally...I walked past them for the last time and picked them up.

Tummy slimming. Lifting. And one size larger that my worn out jeans. I sighed. Shuffled to the dressing room. And tried them on.

And they fit. :)

Of course they did. They are made for Moms, right? But I do have to say...aside from knowing that the waist is a bit higher than my low rise pre-child jeans, they are just as cute. Make me feel just as comfortable.

And cost me WAY less. So, here I am, Mom-Jeans world. :)

Although I do have a goal to find a cute pair of skinny jeans that I can wear with my boots...that's my next quest. Wish me luck.

Eating Healthy...

...and it rocks.

Since the post I wrote last week about eating healthy, I have been focused. We went to Whole Foods and stocked up on some nutritious food. We went to a local co-op and got a few other things that we found there. I've made granola. Made whole wheat french toast. Ate more fruit in the past few days than I have in a month. And just in general ate so much better than I have before. Not to mention...no Pepsi! (OK...I had one today, but it was disappointing, so that is a good sigh.)

And I remind myself of this thing I read about having a nutritious diet: "80% is perfection." So, the crescent dogs and chips we had for dinner tonight...that's ok, because tomorrow I will be back on track.

It feels so good to be taking care of myself and my family like this. I know that we are making changes to have a healthy future. And when I see my LBB begging for a banana in the store and passing up a cookie, it makes me smile. He's been healthy all along, it's time for Mommy and Daddy to follow suit. :)

And while those crescent dogs sure did taste yummy tonight, afterwards, I just didn't feel as well as I have the past few nights. I think that's a good sign, right? And I think it's even better of a sign when my steak and potatoes hubby says to me "When are you making a dish with lentils again? I really like those."

Hoorah for good eating. :)

There was a clue in yesterday's post...

...about what we were doing today.

Did you catch it? It was in LBB's theme/letter book bin, and was the very first book in the stack.

That's right...that little "Dappled Apples" book was a hint that we were studying apples. And what better way to finish up our Letter A week than with a trip to the apple orchard?

We went down to the apple orchard with my parents and sister, and it was perfect weather for it! We picked apples. Went on a wagon ride. LBB got a little toddler sized pumpkin for his room. We walked through the scarecrow display. Climbed up a hay pile. Watched a camel. Played on a a wooden ship. And LBB even got to listen to some harvest themed children's music...which he danced like crazy to in the wooden ship. :)

Granted, there were a few toddler moments...but he did much much better than I had expected and even sat in the pull behind wagon for a little bit before he got impatient enough to climb out. He had a blast running through the apple orchard, and was very curious when he saw his PaPa climb up a tree to get to some apples that were out of reach. I have a feeling my little monkey was taking notes. Haha!

He did feel bad for the apples that had fallen off the tree, and tried repeatedly to put them (rotting apples and all) into our bag. And if an apple fell while we were picking another one...oh boy. Then he really started fussing. He is such a caring little guy...it melts my heart! :)

So, without further ado, here are some pictures from our day out...enjoy, and hope that you are able to be enjoying some beautiful Autumn-like weather in your neck of the woods!

P.S. Have I mentioned that Autumn is my FAVORITE season?!?!? Hands down...and the crazy thing is that I loved this time of year before we had LBB, but now that we have LBB, I love it even more! :)

It's Nearing Autumn...

...and my thoughts naturally are directed towards the coziness of our house.

Every room in the house is cozy and near where we want it to be. The dining room is nice, minus the need for a larger table that fits in there better. (We're planning on getting a table with a leaf...small for when it's just the 3 of us, big for when we entertain.)

The living room is kind of where we want it to be, mostly with the exception of a comfier couch (ours is just a little loveseat...we'd like to get one a sofa bed so we can have people stay at our place if need be.)

The kitchen is the kitchen. There's not a whole lot you can do in there.

LBB's room is always a work in progress, but mostly because I love decorating for him. Right now it's Sesame Street in there, but this spring he is getting a twin sized bed, and we'll be changing the theme over to Vintage Transportation. So cool.

The bathrooms are pretty much done...LBB's is all done, and all I need for ours is a wall hanging...unless I decide to change it again, which may happen.

LBB's preschool area is almost done...I just have a few things to hang and it will be complete! Pictures to follow in another post someday soon...

So. That leaves ONE room, and one room only. Our bedroom. To be honest, our bedroom has always been the bane of my home decorating. Since the day we got our first apartment together...it's always been the room that is done last. The room that is done cheapest. And the room that is done with little or no thought to longevity. Sure, we've come up with cute decorating things now and again, but they were all fairly temporary and not something we kept in there in the long run.

But I've been thinking lately. The bedroom is the place we wind down from each busy day and the place where we wake up to start each day fresh. It's the room in which we have our most heartfelt discussions and the place that LBB brings his cars in during the day to drive around on our bed. And since both of us work so hard each day, don't we deserve to have a room that is an oasis?

It's time for me to say I'm being selfish. I'm going to start getting ideas for how we want to decorate. How to arrange the furniture in a pretty dinky little room. And how to control that monstrosity of a pile that always seems to accumulate under the bed and in the closet. :)

This won't be a fast change...we don't have the budget for that. It will instead be a thought out, long process while we save up and plan. I am tired of not focusing on our room and just doing things quickly so that it is somewhat nice. I WANT A NICE BEDROOM!!!!!

That's not a lot to ask. :) And I do have to say, I'm excited for this new chapter...now off to get some ideas.

Missing

Thus the reason for this early morning post.

There have been some events this evening that are making me a little sad...and while the events themselves will prove to be unimportant in time, they stirred up wishes that my Grandma was still here.

My maternal Grandmother passed away in 2008 from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma...and most days I do pretty well. I still think of her, obviously, but I haven't earned this "tough cookie" reputation when it comes to emotions for no reason. Usually I can reason with my emotions so that they don't come to surface very often.

But then, there are nights like tonight, when it just doesn't seem fair that my Grandma isn't here, that reason no longer wins out in the battle of my emotions. And then I'm stuck bawling my eyes out at 1:30 in the morning. My Grandma was the sweetest, classiest, and quietest lady out there...but she loved with all her heart and knew more about how I was as a person than sometimes I think I did.

What hurts the most about her not being here can be summed up in one short three letter word. LBB. Dear Sweet Hubby and I started trying to get pregnant just a month before we found out that her cancer had returned, and was worse than ever. Gosh, how I prayed that we would get pregnant so she could hold her first great-grandchild. God had different plans, and while I am not mad at Him (how could I be?), sometimes that hurt doesn't go away. Oh, how she would have loved LBB. Sometimes I think that she knows who he is...that she is watching from Heaven smiling down at us. Sometimes I feel like she is right here next to me.

But then there are nights like tonight, when my heart hurts so much that I can't help but feel every ounce of loss. I can't help but wish that she could have held him, even if just for one time. But most of all, I get so mad that cancer took her away and that she didn't get to see him. That he didn't get to hug her. That she didn't ever get to hear his sweet little voice say "hey" over the phone. Oh, how I hate cancer.

I can't type this without tears pouring down my face. The circumstances that happened tonight just plummeted all the strength I had to keep this sorrow deep in my heart...and while I was originally mad about the origin of tonight's hurt, now that seems petty and insignificant. Now I just want my Grandma back...I want her to be able to see LBB. I want her to be able to hug him. I want her to laugh when he makes his adorable little "WHOA!" face. I just want her here.

I knew I had to blog about it though...something has to get some of this hurt out. And I know this blog is usually lighthearted and fun and about the good things in life...and I guess deep down, even through the hurt I'm feeling right now, I do know that my Grandma is getting a pretty good show from way up there in Heaven as she watches every little thing LBB does.

So, please pardon the sadness. I'll be fine in the morning after a semi-good night's rest. :) Thanks for listening.

I Need Your Opinion

So, I've been debating back and forth on making my blog a public blog so that anyone can read it. I did for a bit there, then got a little freaked out, and went back to have it set as private.

Now...you read my blog on a regular basis (right?)...would you say that it's pretty general and vague enough that we wouldn't be compromising our family's safety? I would love to have it public, but if it means that I would be putting my family's safety in jeopardy, then I definitely don't want to do it. I know there are people out there who blog, with children, that post their full names and location, and I know nothing has happened to them, but I wouldn't want to take a chance.

So, what do you think? PLEASE comment and let me know!!!

Happy September!!!

Wow. I can't believe it is September already. I think September is one of my favorite months because it is the beginning of fall in my opinion. We have one hot day (today...just perfectly timed for Dear Sweet Hubby's day off), but after this the days are supposed to get much cooler...20-30 degrees cooler, in fact. Yay for Autumn!!!!

Whenever September rolls around, I immediately start thinking about colorful leaves. Warm, comfy sweaters. Sleeping in a bed covered with blankets. Evenings when it gets dark earlier. A yummy candle burning and filling the house with nice Autumn scents. Sigh. I love Autumn. Hands down my favorite season. :)

I love all seasons, of course, especially since we live in a place where the season changes are so defined. And every season is a blast with LBB...but Autumn is easily my favorite! And this Autumn is sure to be a wonderful one. We have plans to go to a pumpkin patch. The apple orchard. Walks in the park. A trip to the firehouse. Hikes in the river valley. Halloween (LBB is going to be the cutest thing ever.) Thanksgiving. And just enjoying each wonderful Autumn day the Lord has blessed us with.

So, dear friends, Happy September! I hope that each day this month is filled with joy, fun, and just the right amount of relaxation!

Observations from the Mommy of a Nick Jr. Addict

image courtesy of lbb

Despite my best efforts, LBB has an addiction to Nick Jr. So, on a daily basis, he wakes up at the crack of dawn (literally) and with Bearemy in tow, toddles out to the living room pointing at the tv.

And I'm the mom who said I wasn't going to let him watch tv till he turned 3. :) Funny what happens when you need a few minutes to unload the dishwasher without having to constantly tell a toddler no. (I justify myself by reminding myself that I do control the tv time, so there we go.)

But...as the Mommy who gets to hear countless shows on Nick Jr., here are some observations I've made.

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  Yo Gabba Gabba's creators must be on some pretty hardcore drugs, because their show rivals the music videos of classic rock bands in the 70's.





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  I never needed to see Jack Black in a bright orange jumpsuit similar to DJ Lance's from Yo Gabba Gabba. But I did, and the image is burned into my eyes. I dvr'ed the episode just so I could share the joy with Dear Sweet Hubby. I shouldn't be the only one stuck with that in my head.





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  I'm not sure why Ming the Duck on Wonderpets has a speech impediment. He sounds like an aviary version of Elmer Fudd. And now that I'm a mom, it drives me crazy when the characters my LBB watches don't speak correctly. Won't he grow up thinking it's okay to turn his "R"s into "W"s?





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  And I also think it's ironic that Ming the Duck, after eating a big meal, said he's as stuffed as a Thanksgiving turkey. Morbid.





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  At the beginning of each episode, Kai-Lan (from Ni-Hao Kai Lan) says that to wake up the sun, they need to tickle it. WHAT?!?!? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard...even for a kid's show!





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  There's this show called Bubble Guppies...apparently they are merchildren that live in the ocean. And yet they can have things like a barn and a regular cow. I don't get it.





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  And, although it is Colt's second favorite show (and a pretty good show I must admit), I can't understand why Dino Dan can pick up a baby Brachiosaurus when there isn't trouble, but as soon as a meat eater comes around he won't pick the baby up.

I really could go on. And on. :) And I'm not complaining...I love those snuggle times when LBB and I watch a little TV. But these are just some of the random little things that fly through my brain while I watch the same episode of Yo Gabba Gabba for the 11th time. :)

But...as a Mommy, you just suck it up, enjoy it, and savor the fact that 15 years from now, he may not want much to do with watching TV with his Mom and Dad.

But oh, how I hope he does.

*And please excuse the goofy spacing on this post...blogger doesn't like me tonight. :)

Simplicity

We are ever so vigilantly working on achieving it. :)

And mostly, we are focusing on simplicity in LBB's room right now. We are redoing his room in a month or so, getting lots of awesome storage (see HERE and HERE), and making it very fun and playful.

BUT

In the meantime, aside from working on making the decor and textiles for his room, everyday we do a little "tackling" of his stuff. It was a hard decision, but we finally got to the point where we realized that LBB had way too many toys. I don't mind having most of them...but some of the toys got "purged". Our criteria:

• The toy needs to have a good amount of creative play that LBB is responsible for. So many toys have the bells and whistles, and all your little one needs to do is push a button. Cool? Yes. Play-inspiring? Not so much.
• LBB needs to have played with it at some point in time to even be considered for keeping. That seems pretty obvious, but among all the toys from gifts and such, there were some that just sat there...played with once when it came out of the package and left by the wayside. Of course, as soon as said toy is put in the box to go away, LBB decides to play with it. It's a catch-22. We've come to realize that he only plays with it because he saw it. Give it a week and it will be collecting dust again.
• It needs to be well made. That goes without saying, doesn't it? But there are some toys that just aren't as great of quality. We are slowly seeing an increase in the amount of wooden toys we've been getting and high quality plastic toys.
• It needs to fit his developmental stage. Right now LBB loves cars. Blocks. Trains. And animals. So we've got lots of those. And we definitely keep the ones that help him learn.

Now...we're not going all crazy and getting rid of everything. LBB has enough Little People to create an army. Enough Hot Wheels to create his own car dealership. And enough building blocks to build the next Taj Mahal. :) It is crazy, though, how many toys we have managed to take out of his room. A lot were toys he outgrew and we are going to save for when God blesses us with another little one (but we are definitely starting out with less toys with the next one. LBB got spoiled.) A lot of toys were ones that were just...well...duds.

So, we've come from having toys all over his room to actually being able to see the wall. It's a nice feeling, and everyday it seems a little more cleared up in there. I know as soon as we get the storage furniture for his room, we will be in 7th heaven organizationally wise!

Random Monday Thoughts

*Watching LBB's personality blossom as he goes from crawling to walking makes me smile. He is a very funny boy.

*I never imagined how messy a toddler can get when he insists on feeding himself his applesauce.

*Schleich animals can get a lot of air when thrown from a high chair.

*Pretty pyrex casseroles sitting on the stovetop make me happy.

*I really need to start going to bed earlier. Beginning tonight.

*LBB's birthday party turned out just the way I hoped...but if the snow had held off I would've been much happier. :)

*Life is about taking pleasure in the little things. Fresh white snow. A toddler's toothy smile. Slobbery LBB kisses. A clean(ish) house. Lovely music. And a loving hug to look forward to when Dear Sweet Hubby gets home from work. I don't think I've ever been happier. :)